Friday, February 8, 2008

Snarky comments which are not going in my research statements

- "My experience living abroad has always been outside of North America. The chance to live and study in Canada would give me an invaluable global perspective on a foreign culture. Some of my best friends --- and, in fact, my favorite ex'es --- are Canadian. It would be a personally meaningful for me to have the opportunity to live among their people."

- "I'm applying for the postdoctoral fellowship because it will give me a chance to learn research area Y, where the funding is greater and more secure than my current research area. While I am slightly less interested in Y than my current area, it is not by much, and the security that the higher funding provides more than compensates."

- "On a personal note, the postdoctoral fellowship offers unparalleled opportunities for recreation. For example, your last name. Most people whose last name was a common child's pet would have changed it; I commend you on your dedication to your family tradition, as it has provided my friends and I with at least 30 solid minutes of laughter. Additionally, the research fund will come in handy in repairing the water damage from when I spit water at my computer while laughing, simply from writing this application. Just imagine if I actually came."

- "The postdoctoral fellowship also offers the chance to get an additional Masters in the new area. This fits in very well with my career plan, as I've been actively working towards my MRS degree for the past two years, but just haven't found the right collaboration for the capstone experience. I'm sure the resources of your university will assist greatly my finishing this degree."

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