My father's former student is a year older than me, and a tenure-track at the university where I'll be going next year, but in my current city for a summer fellowship. My father suggested that he ask her to join our family at an evening meal, but I wanted to meet her alone since I thought it would be awkward otherwise. I wrote to see if she wanted to have a friendly coffee and didn't see the need to specify that I was proposing evenings specifically. She wrote back asking me to meet near her office on a Friday morning at 9 am.
I never know how to answer this type of email other than wishing my original email had been more explicit because anything I say after that feels uncooperative. But it's pretty nervey of her to treat me like a student seeking an appointment with a professor when I'm a peer looking for social and living advice. In theory, of course I could meet her at the time and place she requested, but it would take an extra hour beyond the time we're actually at coffee and would suck up most of my working morning.
After laboring over an email response for at least 10 minutes, I settled on saying that I'm already at work at 9 am, but letting her determine the place (near her office) and asking for times when I'll be in the area anyhow. Though for all I know she's not at her normal office every day, and we'll end up playing email tag trying to line up times.
It's such a small issue, but all of the moves in scheduling in order to protect the most time feels like a game theory problem. It seems unfair to try to determine too many of the details, but that's what she did right when I wrote. I suppose that is what those who are best at this game do: determine all the details if they don't care all that much about whether the meeting takes place.
Clarification: One of the reasons I posted this is because I think it's interesting to see how faculty develop ways of protecting their time, and this is one illustration of that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Well, you are the one seeking her out for advice right? If I were in her shoes I would be happy to meet with you but on my terms, when and where it's most convenient to me.
If you weren't explicit then what choice did she have but to assume you were flexible? And, if she's in your town on fellowship, much of her time may already be spoken for and so she's trying hard to fit you in.
From my vantage point, it doesn't seem like she's trying to be unfair, but instead accommodating within her own schedule. After all, she could have just said "sorry, I'm too busy to meet for coffee".
Of course she's not trying to be unfair. She's within her rights to set any terms she wants or to decline.
I'm just used to more mutuality, and found it ironic since I did this in order to make it easier for her in the first place since my father was otherwise going to ask her to come to my apartment for a dinner we'd already planned and coffee alone seemed quicker and less awkward.
She is here for the entire summer.
Did you mention to her that your dad was going to invite her to dinner but you thought that coffee might be easier?
I can see where you're coming from. Although, I probably would have responded similarly if I were in her shoes just assuming you were flexible.
Post a Comment