If I get the dream postdoc, I will take it. If not, I'm leaning towards the postdoc abroad. I even found a subletter for my current apartment.
I agree with the commenters that I have no obligation towards this guy. He makes no effort to play well with others, and I agree that it would be well within my rights to leave as soon as possible. I'm considering only what's good for me, and have two concerns that I'm still considering.
1. Job search: my field is such that I am on the job market every year until I get a tenure-track job, so job search complications will come up in just a few months.
- I found the job search taxing even within the US, and had to stifle yawns in the late afternoon interviews; thankfully, I interviewed well even when I was exhausted. Still, adding more than a dozen hours of flight and a time zone shift to each set of job interviews makes it more difficult, and I hate to handicap myself.
- I would have to offer to pay for my trip to the US in order to not deter people from interviewing me, but each trip costs a bit more than half my monthly salary.
2. The additional projects that I would take on to get up to 100% are actually in a hot, well-funded area that I have had long-standing interests in, and I would be working with someone who I actually like, not with him. I can't take on anything new until I submit to journals some of my papers because as it is I'm juggling 5 different things, but I would like to talk with the person running the additional projects to get her input on the situation. I think she'll be sympathetic, and maybe she could even help me find a temporary fix.
Chicago Man: I have some language skills, though all academics speak English, they often have English seminars, and there's an expat community in the city so I could find dates. Marriage is high on my agenda, but marrying someone abroad means you might get stuck there. Not the worst thing in the world, and as a commenter said, eventually I just need to jump and see what happens, even if I don't believe in Fate.